Saturday, 2 January 2016

From ClintB - Dwarven Rejects on Tour (20 Points)

Rae and Posti
"Kurt's has got this Challenge thing going on!" Garbles Rae the Master ! It is partially the beard that make him hard to understand, but mostly the Grog. His diction is also shocking and the screeching monkey voice of Posti who Rae happens to be carrying is not making it any easier to hear. Rae would say that that he does all the heavy lifting and that Posti just goes along for the ride. I will let you decide if that is right .
"I Know Kurt is challenged what are you on about?" Frank spueaks out as he tries to hide closer to the bar, the ale and the pork scratching's. Yum Yum!. Which all agree is the best place to be. But Frank and Rae have a special relationship even when they are on different islands let alone on different boats. The other crew had commented on it before but only in Private and not to their faces for fear of reprisals. Personally I don't know what "Omo-erotic " Means and I am sure I don't want it explained. Big Twee used the term, not me!
Rae continues. "I said Kurt is running a challenge again this year!"

FranK
"That's up in the FROZEN North!" Seaman Millsie half chokes on his frothy southern brew he likes ales that are all head and no body.  "Running you say?" The Southern accent is thick and slurry as we all know  those on the southern most Island do nothing but drink weak beverages and whinge about the true nations sporting prowess. "I aint running no where!" Seaman Millie carries on.
"Of course you aint running! You Southerners are only good at the sit down sports!" Rae was quick of the mark with the comeback. "Fook off!" The Monkey spat back always happy to swear at Rae even if he had not been the target of any jibe!
Big Twee the Short arse!
"You Fook off you piece of Shite!" Rae squeezes the monkey as he answers him. "You may have a tricorn on but your eyes are still brown because you are full of Shite!" The Monkey Posti chatters on and on and to be honest while amusing I do fade out of hearing focus.
 "Yeah King Kurt lives in the frozen north. Even more North of Frostgrave! And Frostgrave is cold enough!" Four eyed Klint is slumpt in the corner drowsy with beer, his eyebrow twitches and a little bit of drool escapes his mouth but he knows far batter than to speak. But Big Twee, the shortest of the dwarfs Loudly slurs "I aint going eiver! I will go to Frost grave, but not the frozen frozen North!" The short arse then changes the subject to gold and we all listen. He is the "Rich Reject after all and knows all about gold treasure and that sort of thing. "Yeah shipmates there is treasure in Frostgrave so that is where we should go. Maybe stop In on King Kurt afterwards and see if he has any provisions we can eat."  Like all rejects matters of the stomach were always of interest to all of us except the monkey.

Four eyed Klint
"Right that's settled then we all go to Frostgrave's Cold Harbour and then on to the Frozen North to see King Kurt. Maybe we can get some treasure from him as well!" Rae takes charge even if only leading through mutual agreement as we all swig more and belch, eat pork scratchings and fart (we all look at Posti when that happens but we are all secretly blaming someone else!). "The 'Neptune's Harlot' "Our ship although the monkey calls it a shed but we all call him a shit so it's fair! "The Harlot's stocked and ready to sail and we my hearties, are looking for treasure or points at the very least!"

The names have been changed to protect the innocent!  (Innocent, who am I kidding!)






All the figures are 28mm Black Scorpion Miniatures and cast in resin some of the details are a little soft but would have been crisp in metal. Somewhere tucked away I have 4 more but at this juncture in time I can't find them so let me know if you want to appear in part 2 should I find them. I hope no offence has been taken by anyone as it was not at all intended and if it has please feel free to take any revenge on Rae! Not Klint, Klint is not guilty at all its is all Rae's fault! Remember Big boys done it and run away. Yes Blame Rae, 'cos he is to blame, honest! Would I lie to you?

This is wonderfully cracked Clint! I for one would like to see a Part 2 if you find the other castings. All of them are great but I think my favourite is FranK. He has a certain maniacal glint that I can appreciate.  Hmm, I wonder what sort of reprobate this King Kurt of the Frozen North must be? I guess we'll find out in a future chapter, eh?

53 comments:

  1. Ooh arrrrrgh! I do like those. What exactly is Posti, of do I want to know?
    Cheers, PD

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    1. Thank you Peter. In real life he is an evil twisted dwarf, erhm I mean in this it is not clear on the model but I would say a monkey. He certainly scampers about and squeaks in real life!

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  2. Nurse get the Temazepam. Barking and fab

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    1. Thank you Martin I currently have IV fluids with 5% Temazepam and 5% Mogadon but May need to increase the dosage! Let's have another look at the Morphin!

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  3. This was brilliant Clint and I'd like to see you do another installment. But you have to find a female dwarf so you can have Tamsin on board to knock some sense into the rest of you louts :0)

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    1. Gimli: It's true you don't see many Dwarf-women. And in fact, they are so alike in voice and appearance, that they are often mistaken for Dwarf-men.
      Aragorn: [whispering to Eowyn] It's the beards.
      Gimli: And this in turn has given rise to the belief that there are no Dwarf-women, and that Dwarves just spring out of holes in the ground!
      [Eowyn laughs]
      Gimli: Which is, of course, ridiculous.
      If I can find the other Four I will do one of Millsy and one of Tamsin. But which other two should I do? (No Not King Kurt, he is a king not a pirate!)

      Thank you Anne.

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    1. Thank you Edwin, It can only get worse from here on out. Will anyone try for revenge?

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    2. Thank you Edwin. I state again that Rae is to blame and all revenges should be visited on him, not me I am NOT to blame at all not one little bit!

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  5. "Rae squeezes the monkey" - is that an example of this omo-eroticism you mentioned? ;)

    Lovely work Clint, and a great story :)

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    1. Thank you Tamsin. I had imagined that "Omo-erotic" was something more like when Rae and Frank did some naked Greaco Roman wrestling. OH MY GOD NOW I FEEL SICK!

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    2. Clint.... Oh god ... Pass the mind bleach...

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    3. Double tots of Mind Bleach all round boys and enough Grog to put you in a stupor! Huzzah!

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  6. I think I got off pretty light there TBH. No Fletcher Christian gags, no convict references and nothing about how the wildlife is trying to kill you all day every day. Thank goodness there's no part two. What? Oh shit....

    PS. Lovely brushwork mate. You deserve a beer! I'll just go a bung it in the microwave for you to warm it up.

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    1. Thanks Millsy. You did not get off lightly as all the names have been changed so you may not even be in it. I will be harsher on folks next time.... IF I can find the other 4 figures! Now where did I put them. But most importantly you have to know who can take a joke!

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    1. Thank you Ray. I will look in the future to see if you have brown eyes!

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  8. Great painting work in these really nice models.

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    1. Thank you Juan. Black Scorpion do a limited range but all the models are very nice.

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  9. Are they going to let this insult stand?

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    1. Thanks Barks. As mentioned above any resemblance to any bloggers living dead or never lived is purely coincidence. But you may all feel free to blame Ray!

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    1. Thanks Dave, You were very nearly included! I had you crawling about the floor licking... no wait there could be a part 2.

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    2. Aaaagh.. Shiver me timbers..pass the mind bleach

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    3. One must be careful what one wishes for. I shall hunt down those extra Dwarfs soon. Once again Thanks Dave.

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  11. @Curt. I will decline from doing a figure of King Kurt of the frozen North because... hang on who are those men dressed in black knocking on the front door?

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  12. Nice one Clint raised a belly laugh here

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    1. Thank you Loki. I hope to do another one as I have four more Pirate Dwarfs but no idea where they are. They were bought at Salute this year and seemed to have set sail.

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    1. Thank you Fran. You have a cracking 'tasche!

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  14. Omo-eroticism....if you had seen him in those budgie smugglers!

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    1. Oh dear and now the image is back! More mind bleach!

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  15. Excellent stuff! Cracking paint jobs too.

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    1. Thank you Urn. I think the photograph let them down.

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  16. Much like Star Wars, I look forward to the next installment.

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    1. Thank you Sean, there is no guarantee of a 2nd instalment. A lot depends on what other people do, or do not!

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  17. Great renditions of very nice figures!

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    1. Thank you Sander. I am tempted to get the sea faring Goblins the same company do because they really would behave like the "Rejects" do in real life!

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  18. Fantastic painting and amusing story. Looking forward to future episodes and finding out if they ever visit King Kurt and his frozen kingdom of the north. It is a mild -15C in this part of the kingdom today.

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    1. Thanks Jonathon. Further episodes revolve around me NOT getting side tracked. Finding the 4 other figures and over coming my natural apathy. I am more than happy for others to take the story forward as long as they paint figures as well.

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  19. It's as mental as it's good LOL

    Ian

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    1. Thank you Ian. Not mental at all! This is just how it happened. Would I lie to you?

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  20. Dwarfs and pirates! Double cool

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    1. Thanks Russ. Check out Black scorpion, they do elf Pirates goblin pirates, skeleton Pirates and Orc Pirates as well as Human pirates . Worth a look even if not parting with any hard earned cash.

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  21. What an amazing read! Ans nice miniatures as well ;-)

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    1. Thank you Moiterei. Truth is stranger than fiction I believe.

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  22. That got me smiling. What a fun entry! I think Klint is my favorite, but then I'm a sucker for a good tricorne hat and stripey pants.

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    1. Thanks David. Why else would anyone paint pirates. Stripped trousers and Tricorns. That is where it is at.

      I am currently sitting back and waiting for revenge!

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  23. They are brilliant, Clint! Both in prose and brushwork! My fav of the fantasy races too, you did them great justice! ;)

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