From NoelW: Snowlord’s Treasury: (32 points)

They run and they run. They run heroically back through the Hall of Heroes. They run beastily back through the Lair of the Beast. They run all the way to the Snowlord’s Treasury where, surprise, surprise, they find – wouldn’t you know it? – Treasure.

“Is this the treasure that launched a thousand ships?” quips Titchy.

“Never mind that. Find something to beat off angry animated bags of bones.”

“How about this?” says Elfbow. “Looks awfully familiar to me.”

He points to a golden statue. A statue, it would seem, of Merlissa.

Getrude laughs.

“Her spell must’ve backfired. Instead of turning gold to air, she’s turned her to gold.”

“I didn’t know magic could pun.”

“It can in this story, or haven’t you been paying attention?”

“What about the Spear of Density?”

“It surely won’t have turned itself into something, would it?”

“It’s there. On the floor.”

“I’d better just check it still works,” says Elfbow, pointing it at the statue of Merlissa. “She’s as two faced as a pair of lizards. So, let’s see…”

With a tap of the spear, the statue instantly dissolves into:

“There must be something else magical amongst all this golden rubbish. Something really powerful that will incinerate bones in a blast of celestial power and doesn’t require a pant-wetting elf to wander over and poke them with a stick.”

“I’ve found this,” cries Titchy, holding aloft a half-eaten Wensleydale buttie. “It may not be the Greatest Treasure the World has Never Seen, but it’ll do me.”

He wolfs it down in one. And what instantly happens?

Absolutely nothing.

“Bit of an anticlimax,” mimes Clerihew.

“You don’t need to mime any more, Clerihew. We know you’re not really a Trappist.”

“Sorry,” he mimes.

“Woof!” says Scruff.

“I know they’re only bones, Scruff. But they’re far too many bones, even for you. Besides which, every time you bring one down, it’ll just spring back to life.”

“There’s only one thing that can help us,” says Getrude. “The Snowlord. We must abase ourselves before his altar and hope he’s not either hibernating, inebriated or over-indulged on Easter eggs (especially as it’s nowhere near Easter yet).”

“I can hear them coming. We’ll have to fight our way through to get there.”

“Then fight we will,” cries Elfbow. “Ladies first!”

“Alternatively,” says Titchy, “we can fill our pockets with this gold stuff, and get the sorceress to help us to the Altar. Then, hopefully, we can lay all this treasure at his feet and it will be his disposition which alters.”

There’s a rattle of bones at the door. Sand begins to flow through the cracks.

***

One pile of treasure is Terrain Crate, the other Wizzkids.

The lizards are from the old GW Lizardmen army, and another of uncertain origin.

Scoring: I guess 1 point each for the treasure pieces, 5 each for the lizards, and 20 for the Snowlord’s Treasury.

Total: 32 points

From NoelW: Lair of the Great Beast (183 points)

Without even a click of ruby slippers, but with a most palpable magical whooosh! they are instantly transported to the Lair of the Beast.

“Sorry, can’t take you any further,” wails the disappearing purple-haired sorceress, “you don’t have enough air miles.”

For a moment, looking around, Titchy suspects they might be in trouble.

“Er - “

“Woof!” says Scruff.

“Oh, yes, of course he is!” agrees Titchy, peering upwards. “It’s Gnawbone, and he’s all grown up.”

The great troll leans down and pats Scruff on the head. Then he pats Titchy on the head. Elfbow gets out of the way.

“So who are all your friends?” asks Getrude, surveying the sundry monsters clustered around them.

“Hulk smash!” says the giant Gnawbone.

“Yes, well, obviously. What else would you do in circumstances like this? But, the question is, who are you going to smash?”

“Gnawbone meet invaders in Hall of Heroes. Final showdown. We show them. They down soon enough.”

“Sounds great, old pal, old friend,” says Titchy. “So we’ll just hang around here until you’ve pushed the invading hordes back into the sea, shall we?”

But no – that’s not what happens, you’ll be surprised to hear. With a sudden cry Gnawbone raises his iron hammer, gestures at the tunnel leading to the Hall of Heroes, and the whole maelstrom of monsters follows suit, screaming, screeching, roaring and, yes, it seems, woofing!

“Come back, Scruff, you’ll get yourself pulverised.”

“It’s no good,” says Getrude. “Gerald is of the very definite opinion that we’re going to be swept along with the monstrous tide of nationalist – well, Chamberist – sentiment, and must follow where these valiant monsters lead, to do or die.”

“I’m pretty sure I know which I’d prefer,” says Elfbow. But he’s outnumbered, and before you can say “Shot to death by a hundred invading muskets”, the whole party finds itself carried bodily along the tunnel towards the Hall of Heroes.

***

As I’m playing more fantasy games lately, such as Oathmark, Frostgrave and Rangers of Shadow Deep, in odd intervals through the Challenge I’ve been painting monsters, with no particular plan, other than the expectation that one or other of them would do for the Beast. It turns out, they all wanted the job, so here they are.

First, the mighty Gnawbone himself, finally transformed into the creature he always knew he could be, if he only realised his full potential.

 

Compare him with this model, properly a minotaur, but probably really a minitaur – he’s intended for my 10mm fantasy setup (Lord of the Rings et al. ‘Al’ is the name of Sauron’s successor), though he stands 20mm high.

 

Another small giant is this octopus – ancestry unknown but I think he might just belong to the GW Man O’ War game. Anyway, he’ll be a hazard for my Black Seas games.

 

Next we have a pair of monster crocodiles. I’m quite pleased with how these look, as I was experimenting with different contrast paints and washes on them, and whilst they look quite different, I feel they both also look quite realistic.

The first is a Reaper Bones nasty:

 

The second is simply a Playmobil creature from one of the pirate sets (don’t tell my kids) and turns out to take a paint job surprisingly well.

 

Next two monsters also “borrowed” from my children’s collections of old toys. A giant spider creature which, rather scarily, has humanoid features. This is made from that sort of jelly resin that cheap children’s toys are made from (that’s toys which are cheap for children, not toys for children who are cheap. I’ve found that children are actually extremely costly) and doesn't paint up that well (that's my excuse, anyway).

 

The other is a yeti-esque creature. Rather scarily, this also seems slightly familiar.

 

 Then there’s this sort of chaos dog, which came amongst a set of chaos dwarves on the cover of Miniature Wargames. I don’t really like this figure and I think the mediocre paint job rather tells you that.

 

I’m much happier with my eagle. Well, I call him an eagle. Could be any noble raptor, really. No idea of manufacturer, as he’s been in the collection for decades.

 

 And another ancient, unattributable creature, a sort of winged snake (coatl?) which has painted up surprisingly well, too. Some of these ancient models have real character.

 

Next two giant rats. Very animated poses, and very large rats. Made by Reaper Bones.

 

Another Reaper Bones figure is this nicely sculpted Giant Scorpion. And it really is giant. There’s no need for it to bother with venom – a sting from this thing would be like being felled by an axe. And not a soft, gentle axe, either.

 

 And next another Reaper Bones fortissimo of a figure: I’m not sure what sort of dragonesque creature is intended, but I’ve made her a blue dragon. I really like this model, but I’m also quite pleased with how she’s come out, as I mainly used Contrast paints, with added highlighting, and I find they’re often too patchy to be very pleasing.

 

 And talking of dragons, here’s a gold dragon by Wizzkids. I’ve not attached the flames, so the dragon can be calling plaintively  for Mummy, or making toast, whichever is most appropriate for a game.

 

Finally, a brazen bull. Weirdly, this creature (or a cognate) exists in D&D as a gorgon, but the model is great, whatever it’s called.

Scoring for this miscellany is a bit unclear, especially as several of the figures are much wider or longer than they are tall. I’m tentatively suggesting, the following, but I throw myself on the rare and tender mercies of our much-beloved Minions:

Octopus (10mm monster): 2 pts

Minotaur: (20mm foot): 4 pts

Coatl, eagle, dog, 2 giant rats: approx. 30mm = 5 x 5 pts = 25 pts

Bull, spider and 2 monster Crocodiles: (80mm, 90mm and 110mm long, but only 30mm and 40mm high, so suggest treat them as 28mm artillery): 4 x 10 pts = 40 pts

Yeti: 40mm x 60mm: 7 pts

Gold dragon (54mm x 80mm) and Scorpion (50mm x 60mm): suggest 54mm artillery = 40pts

Troll: 65mm high, 80mm at widest point: 15 pts?

Blue dragon (100mm x 140mm): 30 pts?

Lair of the Beast: 20 pts

Grand total: 183 pts, perhaps

What a grand collection of beasties. I'm sure they'll give a good account of themselves against the Hall of Heroes.

I'll go along with your scoring of these, simply because I reckon any scoring I came up with would quite closely match your suggestions.

Tamsin