"Good morning ladies and gentlem...(crackle, mumble, crackle)...What's that, Captain Campbell?...(mumble, crackle, mumble)...I'm the only female on this flight?...(crackle, mumble, crackle)...OK, so it's another sausage fest - anyone would think you were Wil Wheaton! Well, in that case, when my shift is over I'll be shimmying over the rope to join Lady S in her balloon's cocktail lounge to quaff champagne and binge watch 80s Brat Pack movies."
"Let's start again. Good morning gentlemen...oh, and Ray. For those who haven't met me before, I am your Senior Flight Attendant, TamsinP. Thank you for choosing to fly flight AHPC-X from Challenge, Blogland. We are currently cruising at 8,181 points towards our 62,358 point target altitude."
"So far 43 of our expected 68 passengers and crew have boarded. Hopefully the other 25 will be joining us very shortly."
"Let me introduce you to your flight crew. Captain Campbell is our pilot at the helm and (alleges that he) knows where we're going."
"Dave is our flight nurse and will be dispensing your medications every Wednesday."
"Martin is our rookie attendant - he did a marvelous job yesterday on his first duty shift; he will be handing out rocks for you to bang together every Thursday."
"Byron will be looking after you tomorrow, if he can be dragged away from watching the Northern Lights (hey, Byron, was that plug for your company subtle enough?)."
"On Sunday, Miles will be on duty. He is our flight's mathemagician - please do not attempt to use the rear left toilet; it has been converted for his spreadsheet rituals and the blood from his sacrificial virgins can be very sticky and we DO NOT want it tracked through the cabin. He has assured me that the rumours of Warhammer stores in Maryland missing customers are entirely unconnected to his practices."
"Greg is your flight attendant on Monday. I understand that he will be handing out musical instruments and attempting to form an orchestra from you guys. But that might just be a "Bluff" to throw us off the scent of what he really has planned for you."
"Finally, on Tuesday you will be looked after by Paul O'Gulch. He has a huge supply of wax crayons for you to eat, stick in your ears, noses and I dread to think which other orifices."
"Today's entertainments seem to be rather light right now. Benito is doing something infamous; Adam has some little men with pointy choppers; Stuart has a collection of safari photos and Martin is going all Edo (Ergo Sum?) on us. I'm sure that more passengers will be offering up contributions as the day progresses, but that's all there is for now."
Toodle-pip!
Tamsin
Enjoy today, I pulled a double shift yesterday and am having a bit of a sit today.
ReplyDeleteYes, you definitely had a brisk first day out (and did sterling service I must add). Well done Martin.
DeleteGiven how quiet today has been, you could have left a few for me ;)
DeleteYou'll learn, you'll learn... :)
Always a fun day with Tamsin at the helm. I was misquoted above - "He has assured me" really should read "It has never been definitively proven". It's a somewhat technical point but apparently very important to my lawyer. No that I need a lawyer.
ReplyDeleteI wish to support Miles here. I visited both his houses this summer and despite my best efforts failed to find evidence of these activities in either location. I also survived the visit mostly intact.
DeletePeter, that simply means you weren't worthy for sacrifice. Sometimes inequity can be a good thing. :)
DeleteI’m good with that, survivability is a useful trait. Plus it may have been related to the “if anything happens to me” feelers I put out to the FBI
DeleteI stand corrected. But, really - involving lawyers? ;)
DeleteAah irs welcome back to challenge airways in all its glorious madness...
ReplyDeleteAnd the glory is not (too) vain! :)
DeleteI think all the late borders should be forced to sit in middle seats and be banned from using the overheads. That seems fair to me
ReplyDeleteThat sounds eminently fair to me too :)
DeleteI love when Tamsin runs the page. When is the drink cart coming by? I think I need a beer!
ReplyDeleteDrinks cart? What sort of airline do you think this is? It's carry-on only, so if you didn't BYO you're sadly out of luck! ;)
DeleteHopefully I shall he boarding the plane in the next few days, when I can get my finger outta my butt!
ReplyDeleteWayyyyyy tooo much information
DeleteOh Ray...
DeleteTamsin, is there still room in the luggage compartment? It doesn't need to be heated, he's full of hot air.
If your first entry involves lots of brown, we'll know that you've resorted to finger painting again... :o
Delete@ Miles - unfortunately for us, Ray does like to share :(
@ Curt - there is and it isn't heated. It's also not pressurised, so as our altitude increases he should run out of air ;)
Great welcome message Tamsin, I alqyas enojoy this entries of yours
ReplyDelete