Tamsin's saTurday Tonics

I'm not entirely sure about being called on to cover a weekend shift - it plays merry heck with capitalising my post titles! It was much easier to get the alliteration last year when I was the Tuesday Minion.

"Good morning ladies and gentlemen, this is your friendly stand-in senior flight attendant Tamsin. Thank you for flying Flight AHPC7 from Challenge. Our pilot, Captain "Snowlord" Campbell has asked me to step in today so that he can focus on some Home work. I must say that after last year's flight I was dreading the state I'd find the crew lounge in - PeterD always left it in such a mess with empty fizzy drink and beer cans, half eaten pizzas, piles of sweaty socks...however, young Philip and master Sylvain seem to have left it in a very acceptable condition.

"A simply amazing 96 passengers and crew have boarded with only four no-shows. My understanding is that two of them were arrested following an altercation about how many buttons were on the trouser fly of Zwarinsky's hussars for the uniform issue of February 1834. I can inform you that both were in fact wrong - there was no February 1834 uniform issue to that regiment. Hah!

"The third missing passenger is, I regret to inform you in hospital after a PETA activist saw him openly displaying a Space Wolves army.

"The fourth is currently being questioned by various law enforcement agencies after budgies and sandbags were discovered in his checked luggage. Inside sources report that he keeps claiming that "that bleedin' Badger must have sneaked them in there to smuggle them into the Challenge". The sources suggest that a worldwide search for someone with the initials "RR" is under way.

"To bring you up to date with how the flight is going, we are currently cruising at 40,059 points with a target altitude of 75,650. Good golly-gosh my word! We're a little bit over halfway there and don't appear to be living on a prayer!

"Today is, unless my mathemagics is mistaken, the halfway point for this flight. doesn't time fly when you're having fun?

"There are a few delicious entries for your delectation today in a variety of sizes. Please do remember to show your appreciation by leaving comments.

"Before I go to do my duties, a quick reminder that Nurse Docherty will be around at some point with the medications. Rainbow crayons (noses, for putting up) can be found in the pocket under your seats.

"I hope you enjoy the remainder of this flight!"