From NoelW: Guardroom (80 points)

“You don’t want to follow Gnawbone into there,” says Merlissa, trying to hold them back. “It’s the Guardroom.”

“And what will we find in there?”

“I’ll give you three guesses.”

Elfbow considers thoughtfully.

“Antique halberds and quaint Swish stripy uniforms for us all to dress up in?”

“Guards, Tinkerbelle! Guards!”

“Definitely what it looks like,” says Getrude, as Gerald forces open the door. “They look like guards to me. Rows and rows of them.”

“Gnawbone may’ve put on a little weight. And height. But even with a shiny blue sword and a handful of mad orcs, he surely doesn’t stand a chance against that vast array of spears and shields.”

“Perhaps someone should explain that to him. Because he’s charging straight at them, like a bargain hunter on Black Friday.”

“I’ve never seen human skittles before…”

“He’s carving through them like a hot starlet through teenage fanboys...”

Leading his herd of scruffy goblins, who don’t seem all that aware of how outnumbered they are, but nevertheless continue to beat a rhythm on their drums that Gene Krupa/Ginger Baker/Dave Grohl (delete according to generation of upbringing) would be proud of, Gnawbone sweeps the horde of invading guardsmen before them.

“With that new improved Gnawbone ahead of us, these scurvy Challenge Islanders don’t stand a chance!” exclaims Titchy, “we simply have to tag along behind, and the treasure will surely be ours.”

“Gerald thinks we should lend a hand,” Getrude says, edging towards the fray. “Gerald reckons those bronze-header warriors could benefit from a tap on the noggin.”

“Gerald should keep his opinions to himself. Hold her back, Elbow.”

“Oh, yes, that’s right. Give the elf the impossible job of restricting the insane woman with a homicidal cudgel.”

But already it’s all over bar the shouting. And, in a moment, the shouting is over, too, as the last of the armed guardsmen flees the chamber pursued by an orcish rendition of “Another one bites the dust.”

As the last stunted goblin departs in embiggened Gnawbone’s wake, complete silence emerges from the chamber beyond.

“Tell me,” says Elfbow, “What kind of silence would you say is the kind of silence currently emerging from the chamber beyond? It wouldn’t. by any chance, be a deathly silence?”

“Woof!” suggests Scruff.

***

My guards are 12 Republican Romans, to be added to my gradually growing Punic collection. They’re Victrix figures: a little fiddly to put together, but nice models and quite decent to paint. Shields are by Little Big Men – I could never create something like this freehand, so there’s not much point in trying.

Score: 12 x 28mm figures: 60 points

Guardroom: 20 points

Total: 80 Points

1 Squirrel point

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Another fantastic tale from Noel. And some smart-looking Romans to illustrate it. I don't think anyone is going to top that write-up today (unless you have another entry lurking in your pockets).

Tamsin