Tamsin's Testy Tuesday

 

"Good morning Ladies, Gentlemen...and Ray! You might be asking why I am "testy" today. Well, let me tell you, it's the result of all the high level crisis meetings that I've had to attend over the past week. It seems that my gentle chiding and admonishments have done nothing to stem the spate of slacking off among our guest explorers. Over the past seven days, you have clocked up a paltry 5,717 parsecs of travel. Our current total is 50,745 parsecs explored from a pledged target of 84, 789 (an additional 1,075 parsecs have been pledged since last Tuesday)."

"The Station Master, Captain Campbell, is most concerned for the reputation of Snowlord's Peak Resort Station. As my new whips haven't arrived yet, he has taken drastic measures (somewhat precipitously, in my humble opinion) and engaged some "consultants" to "identify the cause of the problem and to  recommend and implement solutions". 

The "consultants" in the Station Master's boardroom

"Exploration reports for today are as follows:

• Lady Sarah will be reviewing "Dusk Till Dawn" and showing off her cupcakes (Which I am assured is not a euphemism)
• TashaH will ramble about Bolinde
• ChrisW has shockingly submitted his report not just in the nick of time, but before my shift even started!
• SteveM, having skipped last week, returns with four reports. If this pattern continues, he will skip next week then in two weeks time he will have eight reports, skip the next, then sixteen reports...
• MikeP, our Padre, will deliver a sermon on the perils of Man trying to imitate God by creating life
• MartinC will be reenacting a certain Father Ted episode
• SanderS denies that he is a member of Dads Army*

There may be more reports submitted during the day, but that's already quite a long list!"

"Station Master Announcements:

1. Squirrels, Packages Containing, Correct Labeling Of. It appears that some of our guest explorers and crew** have been bringing squirrels onto the Station without correctly labeling the packages. This has caused several issues where said rats-with-good-PR have chewed through wiring, causing blackouts on deck 5-Gamma, 6-Lambda and 4-Epsilon.
Please ensure that all squirrel-containing packages are correctly labeled.

2. Coloured Wax Crayons, theft of. It appears that somebody or somebodies have broken into the storeroom and made off with all the red, green and purple wax crayons. Our Security Team are reviewing the CCTV footage to identify RayR and MartinC the miscreants.

3. Skulls. Whilst not all guests and staff are "collectors" of such things, there does appear to be a thriving community of collectors (including the Station Master). The facility currently being used for their storage is very nearly full and Steward Barks is negotiating for use of a larger warehouse.

"Well, I think that's it for my briefing today."

Toodle-pip!

Tamsin

* Ref:

** no, no, no. I'm not referring to the Station Master, honest guv!